No Use Crying Over Spilt Cheez Whiz

So today has been a day!  At 5 am one of my darling dogs, Kona, the largest but youngest of the pack, decided to vomit all over the bedroom.  He can’t ever just stand still when he’s sick, he has to walk, trailing the mess in as many places as possible.  I happened to be in the middle of a good dream which is a rare occurrence these days so his timing was especially unappreciated.  I crawled out of bed and made my way downstairs to get what I needed to clean it up, went back upstairs to clean it up, went back downstairs to throw all the mess away and then went back upstairs to try and recoup the 90 minutes of sleep time I had left.  That wasn’t going to happen. I was awake now, so my day had officially begun.

Now the middle dog, Loki, my problem child, has been itching.  Nothing new for him, he is allergic to absolutely everything God put on this Earth so he had a vet appointment this morning.  I drove him over, and as expected, he was having an allergic reaction to something.  The vet shaved patches of fur off of him, did a skin culture, and sent me home with 4 medications, special shampoo and some ear cleaner, which may require me to donate a kidney to pay for. 

Exhausted and starving as I hadn’t eaten breakfast, it was now lunchtime and I was craving some steak nachos!  I had the steak, I had the chips, the lettuce and the tomato…and a jar of Cheez Whiz.  Now I know that Cheez Whiz is not real cheese, they make that clear in the way they spell “C-H-E-E-Z”, but I didn’t care I wanted steak nachos!  I reached for the chips which were right next to the jar of Cheez Whiz and CRASH, the jar came plummeting down to the floor and smashed all over the pantry.  Immediately, the dogs start to run over and since I don’t want them trying to lick up shards of glass in the Cheez, I screamed and threw the bag of nacho chips towards them.  The chips were sealed, never had been opened so I figured they would hit the floor making a crunching noise and scare the dogs away…..nope.  The bag burst open sending nacho chips everywhere.  It scared Kona so bad he peed the floor and all three dogs ran upstairs to hide. 

So now I have glass and a glob of Cheez all over the pantry, nacho chips spread from the kitchen throughout the living room and a puddle of pee being soaked up by the nacho chips that landed in the living room.  I can’t even get the dogs to clean up the chips that aren’t soaked in pee, they are too scared to come back downstairs; so I am left to clean up the mess alone!  I stood there, right in the middle of the kitchen, and just burst out laughing!  It was such a true reflection of the state of my life I could do nothing but throw my head back and laugh like an absolute lunatic!

When the hysterics passed, I got out the paper towels, the dust pan and broom and the vacuum and I cleaned up the mess.  Once done, I got in my car and drove to the store and bought a new bag of nacho chips and a new jar of Cheez Whiz.  I made my steak nachos for lunch this afternoon and I’d like to say after all I went through to have them that they were absolutely delicious but they weren’t.  They were actually pretty awful.  The funny thing is I didn’t care.  The sheer absurdity of the events that led to those nachos getting made is what made having them worth it.  That Cheez Whiz was horrible but it didn’t make me cry, it ended up being the best laugh Iv’e had in months.