Maybe I Should Give A Hoot

This weekend I took a drive to Clearwater and on the way I had to pass by the Villages.  Now for those of you that know about the Villages, just the idea of the place evokes either feelings of “yuck”, “Can’t wait to move there” or “not for me but damn those old people are something!”.  For those of you who have never heard of the Villages, it is a retirement community made up of three distinct themes, and has more acreage and STD’s then every college campus in the United States and possibly overseas put together.  What caught my eye as I drove by was not really anything out of the ordinary if it were to be located anywhere else but to see it in the Villages made me question so many things in this life.  The oddity I saw was a Hooters restaurant. 

Now knowing the Villages is an old folks community and knowing exactly what kind of old folks community it is, made me really respect the operator who thought to build it there.  I mean thousands of Randy old men that no longer possess driver’s licenses to leave the property make for a hell of a captive audience!  As I was admiring the business plan as a whole, it came to mind that in order to be a successful draw, you kind of need the twenty to thirty year old well endowed women to staff it right?  Where do you find those in an old folks community?  Then the terror hit!  Is it possible the staff is from the old folks community?  Are there 65+ women that are stuffing their girls in a push up bra for tips at the Hooters? 

The image that placed in my head was not a pleasant one but again there was a level of respect that came to mind thinking these old girls still had it in them to use what the good Lord gave them so many years ago to fleece the old guys out of some cash! 

As these thoughts are running through my head the song Ol’ Red from Blake Shelton came on the radio.  The song is a bout a man who gets sent to prison for life for killing his cheating wife and the warden lets him take care of the prison dog Ol’ Red. He gets a friend to bring a female dog just outside the prison to meet with Ol’ Red on his nightly walks for a little “puppy love” and then keeps them apart for a few weeks before finally bringing her back so he can escape and the dog won’t hunt him down, he will be hunting down the girl dog instead. The last line is the best “love got me in here and love got me out”. It seemed to be a good reason why working at the Hooters in the Villages might just be the answer to so many problems at 50+

I mean we aren’t getting any younger and even the best job with a nice 401k in this economy might not be enough if like me, you have to navigate it alone.  If the restaurant truly is staffed with Villagers, being 50+ would be one hell of an advantage as that’s at least a decade of sag and wrinkles you don’t have compared to the competition.  Some of those old lecherous men in the Villages actually have quite a bit money socked away, you might just find one that’s on the younger side and isn’t one of the proud members of the STD club that wants you as a wife or a sugar baby, whatever works. 

For me there would be an ironic added bonus.  My ex, had one compliment for me and that compliment was exactly what would make my working at Hooters a bit of sweet irony.  The idea that the one thing he seemed to like about me could make me back the money that he cost me really would be the epitome of love got me in here and love got me out! 

God bless you Villager Hooter waitress’s; I may just come join you!