What Qualifies As Therapy?!

Heaven knows we all need some kind of therapy in this life, so I have done my research on therapy and damn, there is a lot of stuff that qualifies as therapy!  Since my life blew up and I have to figure out what my new existence in this world should be about, I have been trying to find the right kind of therapy that can help point me in a positive direction. 

I started with talk therapy and I have to say my therapist was great to talk to!  She acknowledged all of my feelings, agreed with what was causing them, helped define what decisions needed to be made and then gave me full permission to make whatever horrible choices I wanted to!  I suggested that a night of rum and cokes might make me feel better and she said yep, you go enjoy.  I told her that I loved my car, it brings me joy, but financially it’s a burden, she said you keep that car if it makes you happy, don’t worry about the cost.

Now I love being told to just do whatever I want because that’s pretty much what I’m gonna do anyway so, receiving professional validation that whatever I want is all good, that’s my kind of therapy.  Practically speaking though, its probably not what is going to actually help me since doing whatever I want was part of what required me to seek therapy in the first place.

My second therapy choice was shopping!  I mean shopping is considered therapy!  How awesome is that?  Therapy that allows me to buy what I want and spend what I want!  Best therapy idea ever!  I bought clothes, I bought shoes, I bought vacations, I bought makeup and a little facial spruce up for my new start.  It definitely helped to prevent negative feelings and bring loads of joy, right up until the vacations ended and the credit card payment came due.  Obviously, this is not a sustainable form of therapy.

For my next therapy choice I needed to find something that was maybe a little less permissive and basically free since I had spent all my money on the shopping therapy.  I looked at my options; food therapy sounded promising but the weight gain wasn’t so great.  Sex therapy sounded fun but that requires a different set of issues and frankly more energy than I have. CBD therapy sounded relaxing but somehow just made me want to clean the house all night.  Psychotherapy, massage therapy and ketamine therapies all sounded good but if they were going to happen, it would have had to have been before the shopping therapy.

After weighing all my options I decided on dog therapy.  I already have the dogs so no added expense.  They are hysterical to watch when they play, relaxing to cuddle with when they are tired and motivational when they need to go outside (I mean, I can run like the wind to avoid having to clean poop off the floor). They don’t really offer much good advice but lets be real, how many of us actually listen to others advice anyway?