Long Live The Queen!

Growing up my mother loved dressing me and my sister up in cute little frilly dresses, white tights and shiny black shoes.  We were just so cute!  (Yuck) Now my sister didn’t really seem to mind but me…oh hell no.  The second I was allowed, that dress was off, the tights were off, those horrible shoes were off and I was in a one piece terry cloth short outfit. No shoes for me, running through the field across the street, making mud pies and building forts was the way to live!

In the evenings, I believe Friday’s in particular, it was Disney movie night on one of the few available channels back then.  Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, none of them ran around barefoot playing in the dirt, (although Cinderella did wear rags and cleaned house a lot).  The lesson it seemed in all these movies was be kind even if everyone else is hateful, do your hair, (even in rags Cinderella’s hair was nicely combed),  a good singing voice didn’t hurt and if you put on a dress and look nice some random prince will kiss you and you get to live happily ever after in a castle (no more cleaning for you). 

Now all of this sounds nice so as I got older every once in awhile I would throw on a dress and even a pair of shoes in search of my prince, (I even had the singing down).  I guess there aren’t a lot of princes to be had as I never found one but mom never gave up hope.  She is the consummate Disney fan so being in Florida and close to Disney World, a trip to brighten one’s spirit is a must. 

Now on one of those spirit enhancing trips with my mother who is all sweetness and light, we stood on Main Street watching the parade and all the princess’s riding by on their floats waving and smiling.  Shockingly, my mother who is all things good and kind, turned to me and said “well, you are too old now to be a Disney Princess!”  (What she meant was Disney has an age limit of 25 years old for hiring all Princess’s) and In fairness I was about 40 so yeah, I’d say that ship had sailed years ago, but coming out of my mother’s mouth the way it did was to say the least… disheartening.  Nowhere in the fairytales did they state an age limit.  So does that mean if I’m to old to be a princess, I’m too old to find a prince?  What the actual hell!  This was my whole life plan!

I spent the day feeling pretty cheated that the rules had not been clearly outlined here and that it now appeared I had missed out.  I re-watched some of the movies to see if maybe I missed something and I realized I did.  Why did everyone think the princess was the role to achieve?  Cinderella was kind of an ungrateful brat.  Her stepmother made her do some chores to contribute to the household and didn’t let her go out to a party when she got mouthy.  She goes anyway and yeah she meets a prince, but what did she ever really get to know about him before running off to get married?  She got away from her stepmother but God only knows if life with that Prince was a step up, she just met him for crying out loud.   Snow White had it a little rougher, I mean her stepmother did try to kill her because she was prettier but could she not think of a better way to handle the situation then running off to the woods and becoming caretaker of seven little men!  Again, doesn’t seem very smart to me.  Sleeping Beauty was probably the worst.  She didn’t even have the good sense to ask questions when the fairies took her home, like damn if I’m a princess why was I raised in the forest with a bunch of fairies and if there is a curse on me, maybe my parents aren’t such great people and I might want to stay away.  I mean they had 16 years to figure out how to break the curse do you really want to rush home to see them knowing they failed and chose to give you away to some incompetent fairies instead of figuring it out? 

So I’m too old to be a Disney Princess, okay, good.  I don’t like wearing dresses all the time and making sure my hair is perfect and I’m pretty sure at least two of those princess’s are now divorced living in a trailer park in Louisiana.  They had no skills other than singing which we all know doesn’t pay the mortgage and clearly they had questionable judgement and intelligence. 

Now that I had lost my ability and any desire to be a Disney Princess I needed a new goal, so at 50+ I have decided the role to have is definitely the Villain.  I’m not going to poison anyone because they are prettier then me, (well….no, no poison)  but I am going to run my own kingdom!  There are far less rules, the clothing options are unlimited and you don’t have to be nice, not even a little.  The lesson all along should have been why be a Prince’s princess when you can be the queen of your own kingdom!