Do We Really Need Those?

At some point in school whether it was health class or sex ed I don’t remember, we had a lesson on hormones.  How hormones are what makes us boy crazy as teenagers because we are suddenly flooded with them. How we need them to make babies but then around 50 when all the babies have been had, they go away.  The end.  Turns out there is more to the story.   It seems once again I  got the storybook version because had I been told the full story, I would have lodged a complaint to the manufacturer immediately! 

Good Lord why would you create a product that runs along just fine for 12 years or so then make it go half mad with an overload of something that you are then going to take away 38 years later to start a whole new kind of insanity? It’s a design flaw plain and simple and I’d like an extended warranty or replacement parts please!

It’s not even just one hormone that flees like suddenly you are the girl with the zits and the homemade dress on prom night, but three; and they each had a function which now unfulfilled makes being a woman feel something akin to a squirrel running rampant through the neighborhood looking for nuts.

The good news is the loss of progesterone causes sleepless nights which makes the loss of estrogen causing brain fog almost go unnoticed because your too tired to think anyway.  It also helps me forget the inevitable embarrassment that will follow should I laugh, sneeze, raise my voice or walk to fast as I will definitely pee myself.  The testosterone loss is almost a blessing as well because with the frightening assortment of what passes for a man of our age these days, we don’t need the desire or the energy the testosterone provides anyway. 

So much for growing old gracefully!  Maybe one day someone will figure out how to turn the spicket down during those early teenage years so we don’t run out quite so early.  Until then, I’ll be the one in the Starbucks drive thru hourly, eyes half closed, air conditioner blasting, plastic pants on, holding up the line because I forgot what I ordered!